It is true that what you focus on – what you put your time, energy and attention into – grows. This is no different when we love someone and we want to grow that love. Paying attention to those that we love and spending some time each day to show that love, makes you feel more loving towards them and helps them feel more loved – a win win!
Here are 20 ideas for 20 days of loving. You can focus on 1 each day and over time feel that loving grow. This is a gift that you choose to give your partner. If you have been quite disconnected they may not feel the full importance of the gift for you and may not appreciate it in the way that you had hoped. But I urge you to continue to give – no strings attached and see where it takes you.
Day 1 – Practise loving patience. Say nothing negative to your partner and if the opportunity arises choose not to say anything at all.
Day 2 – Practise loving kindness. Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Day 3 – Invest in them. Buy them something that says “I was thinking of you today”.
Day 4 – Contact them at some time during the day with no other agenda than asking how they are doing and if there is anything you can do for them.
Day 5 – Make time for them. Rearrange your schedule and give them the gift of your time today.
Day 6 – Appreciate 1 thing about your partner today and tell them.
Day 7 – Focus on your partner’s achievements. Share with your partner how glad you are about a success they have recently enjoyed.
Day 8 – Greet your partner in a way that reflects your love for them. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm. Make this a permanent change.
Day 9 – Do something out of the ordinary for your partner today – wash their car; buy their favourite dessert; take over their chores. Demonstrate love for the sheer joy of being their partner.
Day 10 – Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your partner. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Day 11 – Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your partner. Do something they would like to do – just be together.
Day 12 – Choose to honour, cherish and respect your spouse in a way that is above your normal routine. Choose something that shows them they are special and highly esteemed in your eyes.
Day 13 – Prepare a special dinner at home for just you and your partner. Focus this time on getting to know your partner better, perhaps in areas that you have rarely talked about. Go out of your way to make it an enjoyable evening for the two of you.
Day 14 – Find or write a love poem, letter or song that captures how you feel about your partner and share it with them.
Day 15 – remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that is taking you time and affection away from your partner.
Day 16 – Plan to meet one of the greatest needs in your partner’s life right now – big or small eg rearrange the family budget to bring in a cleaner or your schedule to give them some free time to themselves or take that longed for vacation.
Day 17 – Express your love by telling your partner 3 reasons that you love them.
Day 18 – Check in with your partner and really hear their view (without defensiveness) on your relationship and how it could be better. Plan to make it better together.
Day 19 – Increase the physical affection – hugs, kisses, touch – lasting at least 6 seconds many (minimum 6) times per day.
Day 20 – celebrate how far you have come in your loving with a surprise for your partner.
Add on top of any of the days texts, phone calls, emails as ways of staying connected throughout the day.
Whilst I have written this thinking about your connection to your partner – you could modify this for any relationship with someone that you want to show more loving to.
Acknowledgement: I have adapted some of these from a book called The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick – A Christian book based on the Bible and scripture with lots of insight into love and keeping it alive.